{New Album Release}
1 hour ago
Monday, 8 February 2010
Saturday, 6 February 2010
The Gap That Grows Between Our Lives
Two of the things that I hold most dear about my heritage feel like they're being stolen away from me this week.
I overheard my mum saying to Dad on Thursday that she's going to contact the estate agents to put Grans bungalow on the market now. That bungalow represents so much to me. It was obviously the venue for so many happy memories I can't begin to list them (and nor do I want to). It also give me a sense of belonging, some concrete (literally) routes in the country I feel is my home but I don't get to live in. As I type this I'm wrapped up in my Wales rugby jumper and I feel like my right to wear it is slipping away from me. I feel like I have no reason to cross the border any more, no right and no reason to think the other side of that bridge is home.
The other thing being that Xerox are selling their plant at Mitcheldean. My beloved grandad set up a factory there for Rank Xerox to make cinematic machinery after the Second World War. He got an OBE for bringing industry and promise to a depressed area. After my grandad passed away, Rank Xerox wrote to my dad, telling him they'd named a large part of the factory in Mitcheldean after Grandad in his memory. Now it's been (or being, not sure which) sold off. Who ever buys it will carry on bringing employment to the area, like Grandad did. But what he worked so hard for has gone. The entrance way with his name above the door will likely be torn down and that plaque tossed aside.
They're just buildings, I know that. And as a friend said to me on Thursday, times change. I feel like I'm being cut adrift from where I'm from and who I'm from. That every day a bigger gap is being forced between me and the people who played such a huge part in giving me a sense of history.
I overheard my mum saying to Dad on Thursday that she's going to contact the estate agents to put Grans bungalow on the market now. That bungalow represents so much to me. It was obviously the venue for so many happy memories I can't begin to list them (and nor do I want to). It also give me a sense of belonging, some concrete (literally) routes in the country I feel is my home but I don't get to live in. As I type this I'm wrapped up in my Wales rugby jumper and I feel like my right to wear it is slipping away from me. I feel like I have no reason to cross the border any more, no right and no reason to think the other side of that bridge is home.
The other thing being that Xerox are selling their plant at Mitcheldean. My beloved grandad set up a factory there for Rank Xerox to make cinematic machinery after the Second World War. He got an OBE for bringing industry and promise to a depressed area. After my grandad passed away, Rank Xerox wrote to my dad, telling him they'd named a large part of the factory in Mitcheldean after Grandad in his memory. Now it's been (or being, not sure which) sold off. Who ever buys it will carry on bringing employment to the area, like Grandad did. But what he worked so hard for has gone. The entrance way with his name above the door will likely be torn down and that plaque tossed aside.
They're just buildings, I know that. And as a friend said to me on Thursday, times change. I feel like I'm being cut adrift from where I'm from and who I'm from. That every day a bigger gap is being forced between me and the people who played such a huge part in giving me a sense of history.
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Sing Sing A Penny For The Dream
Band: The Great Sojourn
Venue: The Hobbit, Southampton
Date: 23 January 2010
Question: how would I describe The Great Sojourn? Answer: Indie-Pop in the best possible sense of the word (or rather, hyphenated words). They make pop music of times gone by. By that I don't mean dated and heard time and time again. I mean clever, artistic and full of integrity. It's the kind of music that is instantly enjoyable - I couldn't help but smile throughout their set - but by being accessible in this manner doesn't make them easily forgettable. That is the way pop music used to be. It was music that all people could love and enjoy, and could connect with. There's a general feeling these days that to have something special about them, songs have to be worked at to be understood - being shunned by the masses is to be music of any merit or substance. The Great Sojourn, in my opinion, shoves to fingers up to this view. Their music is touching, happy, sad, uplifting and heartwarming. Being in that packed little room on Saturday night felt like being hugged by the person you love on a sunny day in a field. Having said that, their music isn't all sun in a meadow stuff though. They don't ignore the heartbreak and sadness in the world either.
So take a chance on this great new three piece. You'll likely be as pleasantly surprised by them as I was. I will be seeing them again, that's for sure.
Venue: The Hobbit, Southampton
Date: 23 January 2010
Question: how would I describe The Great Sojourn? Answer: Indie-Pop in the best possible sense of the word (or rather, hyphenated words). They make pop music of times gone by. By that I don't mean dated and heard time and time again. I mean clever, artistic and full of integrity. It's the kind of music that is instantly enjoyable - I couldn't help but smile throughout their set - but by being accessible in this manner doesn't make them easily forgettable. That is the way pop music used to be. It was music that all people could love and enjoy, and could connect with. There's a general feeling these days that to have something special about them, songs have to be worked at to be understood - being shunned by the masses is to be music of any merit or substance. The Great Sojourn, in my opinion, shoves to fingers up to this view. Their music is touching, happy, sad, uplifting and heartwarming. Being in that packed little room on Saturday night felt like being hugged by the person you love on a sunny day in a field. Having said that, their music isn't all sun in a meadow stuff though. They don't ignore the heartbreak and sadness in the world either.
So take a chance on this great new three piece. You'll likely be as pleasantly surprised by them as I was. I will be seeing them again, that's for sure.
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Oh Baby Baby It's A Wide World, It's Hard To Get By Just Upon A Smile
I found out a couple of days ago that G is getting married. He didn't tell me, I found out reading something about it on a mutual friends facebook page. It was a weird thing to read, that the person I once thought I'd spend my life with is committing to spend his with someone else. It's not that I want him to spend it with me, it's been a VERY long time now since that's been my hearts desire. So why did I want to do little but cry for the next twenty four hours?
Sunday, 10 January 2010
I Am Stronger Than Mensa, Miller And Mailer, I Spat Out Plath And Pinter
"Poetry... is a series of intense moments - its power is not in narrative. I'm not dealing with facts; I'm dealing with emotions."
Substitute 'poetry' with 'therapy' and the statement stands just as true. As a poet I do not seek to tell a story, I seek to off load my feelings, to make sense of whatever it is that I am experiencing; I am dealing with emotions. As a therapist, I work with people to deal with their emotions, to off load them and to make sense of what they're experiencing.
There is an article in Decembers Therapy Today magazine comparing these two disciplines, looking at the process of writing poetry and how that can be utilised to encourage counsellors and psychotherapists to become more creative in their work.
One of the most powerful tools for both a therapist and a poet is that of metaphor. For clients to be able to speak in metaphor and be understood can be a safe way for them to talk about an experience. My therapist encouraged me to use metaphor when exploring my relationship with food. It was an incredibly powerful way for me to talk about something I'd never been able to previously find the words or courage to speak about. It helped me make sense of it, to make sense of what I was feeling without the embarrassment of having to use the words I'd found so hard to say in the past. In the same way, I've used metaphor within my poetry to release a complete myriad of feelings around self harm. The freedom and release of putting to paper my feelings was (and is) immense.
Kate Evans also writes in the article about the way a poem forms. Of how it often starts with random scribblings and thoughts dotted around, chaotic and not linking coherently before a lot of work getting to grips with these scribblings and the poems begins to form. As a counsellor, you start with a disordered muddle, from which we work to find the beginnings of a structure and meaning.
The most profound part of the article for me is when Evans writes about poetry taking her out of the narrowness of the day to day experience, and part of being a counsellor is to encourage the client to unpack the unconscious responses and examine them. Being there to support the client to safely unpack their unconscious, to look at what their automatic responses are and why they are and to be able to leave them behind. To remove themselves from the narrowness they've got on their day to day experiences and be able to live a freer life.
At seventy, Freud wrote "The poets and philosophers before me discovered the unconscious. What I discovered was the scientific method by which the unconscious can be studied".
Substitute 'poetry' with 'therapy' and the statement stands just as true. As a poet I do not seek to tell a story, I seek to off load my feelings, to make sense of whatever it is that I am experiencing; I am dealing with emotions. As a therapist, I work with people to deal with their emotions, to off load them and to make sense of what they're experiencing.
There is an article in Decembers Therapy Today magazine comparing these two disciplines, looking at the process of writing poetry and how that can be utilised to encourage counsellors and psychotherapists to become more creative in their work.
One of the most powerful tools for both a therapist and a poet is that of metaphor. For clients to be able to speak in metaphor and be understood can be a safe way for them to talk about an experience. My therapist encouraged me to use metaphor when exploring my relationship with food. It was an incredibly powerful way for me to talk about something I'd never been able to previously find the words or courage to speak about. It helped me make sense of it, to make sense of what I was feeling without the embarrassment of having to use the words I'd found so hard to say in the past. In the same way, I've used metaphor within my poetry to release a complete myriad of feelings around self harm. The freedom and release of putting to paper my feelings was (and is) immense.
Kate Evans also writes in the article about the way a poem forms. Of how it often starts with random scribblings and thoughts dotted around, chaotic and not linking coherently before a lot of work getting to grips with these scribblings and the poems begins to form. As a counsellor, you start with a disordered muddle, from which we work to find the beginnings of a structure and meaning.
The most profound part of the article for me is when Evans writes about poetry taking her out of the narrowness of the day to day experience, and part of being a counsellor is to encourage the client to unpack the unconscious responses and examine them. Being there to support the client to safely unpack their unconscious, to look at what their automatic responses are and why they are and to be able to leave them behind. To remove themselves from the narrowness they've got on their day to day experiences and be able to live a freer life.
At seventy, Freud wrote "The poets and philosophers before me discovered the unconscious. What I discovered was the scientific method by which the unconscious can be studied".
Monday, 4 January 2010
Sometimes I Cannot Feel My Face
I get this feeling every so often, of being totally insignificant in this world. Not in an indulgent, I want people to notice me kind of way. But rather of going through life and not making enough of it, of not making my mark on this world. I feel pretty dissatisfied with everything, but don't have a clue on what to do to change this feeling.
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Let Me See You Shake Your Tail Feather
Friday night I did something I've never done before. It's something millions of people do every day and don't think twice about, but for me it was a really big deal. It was my work Christmas do (or rather one of my work Christmas do's), and I wore a strapless top. That's it. That's the major thing I did for the first time in my life. I wouldn't have done it a year ago, or even six months ago. I'd have felt far too self conscious and insecure to even consider it. Getting my five stone award at Slimming World has made so much difference though. I am beginning to feel freer, to feel younger, and most importantly to feel happier. I've still got a really long way to go, but I feel like it's achievable now. I'm feeling the benefits so much already, that now I'm not scared of looking to my target. It doesn't feel so huge or unobtainable any more. It feels exciting and rewarding. I don't think I'm becoming a different person, I think I'm rediscovering the person inside. The girl who can wear a strapless top and heels and hold her head up high, dance and laugh like nothing in the world can touch me. It's a magic place to be, and one that will continue to get brighter and happier as I continue this journey of weight loss and healing.
I say weight loss and healing, because that's what I'm doing, I'm healing myself. For the first time in my life I realised and accepted this year that I've got/had (?) an eating disorder. Wow, that's the first time I've ever typed those words in relation to myself. Big deep breath.... That's pretty exhilarating actually. Knowing I've got to a place where not only can I say it to myself, but I can write it for the world to see. And each time I say it to someone, or hold onto it when I'm in a bad place, that eating disorder gets smaller and less powerful. That massive snake with its hypnotising eyes is losing it's hold on me.
I'm getting me back, and I love it. Watch out world, I'm on my way back!
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